It’s been a long, long while since I went through a break up! But there is one that will always stay close to me, because aside from all the hurt and pain I still managed to help myself and stay positive in an arguably dark time!
Break up’s are never fun, they are the reason I steer away from most potential relationships, but as my mum says ‘You’re going to have your heart broken a couple of times before you even begin to settle down’ – a rather unfortunate point. However, I’m a firm believer that people come into and go out of our lives for a purpose. The obvious, if you break up with someone then they clearly are not the one, and no matter how hurt we are, we will always ALWAYS get over it and move on.
With each person that comes into or leaves our lives, we will invariably be able to learn something about our selves, and just about life in general (deep stuff right there). And back when I was 16, and I thought the world was crumbling around the newly single me I learnt a lot about myself.
I think the main thing to do when you are going through a break up is to allow yourself that time to be sad, to mope around the house and eat ALL the junk food. But not for too long, after 2/3 weeks I realised that sitting in sadness would get me nowhere.
The next thing to do, is to surround yourself with good people, friends and family. To get busy, and do some stuff. When I did this, I went out for meals with friends, I went shopping – I bought some new clothes. And for those times where I did start feeling sad, they were there for me to cry on. Positive PEOPLE are what you need! Breakups can be seen as a fresh start, a new beginning, so take a couple of deep breaths and do something you maybe would never have done, use your new independence and get to know YOU more!
Stop listening to those bloody sad songs! DO NOT… I repeat DO NOT listen to your ‘song’ in fact just delete that from your life for a while, because that may be hard to listen to for a while. But make a playlist, with all the feel good songs in the world! I’m talking,
- Beyoncé – Single Ladies
- Destiny’s Child – Independent Woman
- Blu Cantrell – Hit ’em up style
- Nicki Minaj – Boss Ass B*tch
- Beyoncé – Sorry
- Beyoncé (Ft Nicki Minaj) – Flawless (remix)
- Nicki Minaj (Ft Beyoncé) – Feeling myself
Or just anything that makes you feel yourself to the absolute maximum. Because you are the bomb, don’t a break up change how you define yourself QUEEN! If anything.
Keeping your distance between you and your ex, is something that is of utmost importance. The more you see them, the more you talk to them and are around them the harder it will be to get over them. You really may not want to, and it may take a while for the reduction in communication to become a normal… and that’s okay. But if you talk to them after 2 days and claim you’re okay, then you’re not going anywhere… You’re taking 3 steps back my friend.
You don’t necessarily have to throw them away, but it depends on your anger levels, but put things that will remind you of them away… in the loft, in storage, under your bed. Out of sight, Out of mind!
The scary old rebound relationships. AVOID THEM. These are dangerous, and leave you filled with a sense of sadness. Initially they’ll be great, until you realise you’re trying to turn them into your recent ex. Not only will this hurt you, but it is so unkind on the other person who could genuinely develop feelings for you. Instead take this time, to get to know yourself, to reflect on the relationship and how it affected you and your outlook on life.
The most important thing, and this is something I realised a couple of months after the relationship ended, is that these things happen! And whether it was for a particular reason or not, we have to let things go… and in order to let things go, we need to (at least attempt to) forgive the person. We need to start living life and hoping that life is only going well for them as well!
Hence why, personally for me, even if we don’t speak anymore, there will be times where I pop up and ask how you are doing, how life is treating you- because we are all in life together! We are all going to hurt someone and be hurt my someone, and we have the free will to decide how we handle it.