My journey recovering from self harm

This is a different kind of post for me to do.

But I feel as though this blog is a space for me to express myself and my experiences.

Let me make myself clear my aim is not to seek attention, but to raise awareness in hopes that it will get through to someone who needs to know they are truly not alone.

The best way for this to be done is by revealing myself to my audience as though you’re close friends- which you probably all are anyway!

My name is Maya and I have had a long, turbulent history with self-harm.  A really shitty on off relationship with self harm, one where I’m sick, tired and done with of all its crap but it always manages to find a way to sneak back in to my life and attempt to ruin it. A vice I have been attempting to contain since the age of 13. There was a patch in life where I was harming myself everyday for various reasons I’d rather not go into at this moment, and I felt so alone in my pain. Nobody knew I was doing it, hiding it almost became an art form.

With family members who also have such a history, I knew the minute they saw something like it, they would know and react by trying to get me some help.

I wanted help, but I also didn’t want help. I didn’t feel I needed to ask for it. I felt I was in control of it. If that makes any sense.

One day, my mum noticed it through my tights, and although I would not have said it then, today, I’m so glad she noticed and encouraged me to seek the right help because it’s officially been a year since the last time I harmed myself, and although certain thoughts creep back in every now and again, I have managed to hold my own and not do it.

It’s a long process, the recovery process, and it has taught me so much about the nature of mental health, and myself.

Iwouldliketoshareacoupleofthethings I’ve learnt.

⁃ Self harm is a temporary fix for an ongoing problem and although it may seem like a release at the time.. it’s only a temporary release.

⁃ It’s a dangerous way to express your emotions. It can be seriously harmful to your health.

⁃ The people you surround yourself with are so important. Supportive friends and family, who may not even understand it but are there for you are so important in your time of need.

⁃ There are other ways to be able to feel in control, that don’t include harming yourself.

⁃ When you harm yourself, it has an effect on the people around you. I know that my mum would worry whenever I went out, she would worry when I went up to my room, she would worry that I was going to do something to myself. And I would have hated to see this when I was doing it a lot, because it was how i was trying to cope with my problems and it effecting other people would upset me even more and make me angry because i did it because i didn’t want to bother others with the issues. But at the end of the day, it is a hard truth. It negatively effects the people around you who know.

Talking is hard. It’s so hard to talk about. Your feelings and why it happens. But talking is good, in fact talking is better because it allows you to unpick the situation and work through it. Where as self harm as I said above is only a temporary present fix, rather than an ongoing one.

Recovery is difficult, but in the long run it’s so rewarding. Relapses do happen, and that’s okay we shouldn’t beat ourselves up when we relapse- we must just remember to persevere and attempt to recover again.

⁃ Even when you’re completely okay, the thoughts and urges can slip into your mind every now and again. It’s in these moments when you need to go and sit with someone, put on some music, go for a walk- distract yourself, tell that thought to go away and remember that you’re never alone, and are worth so so much more.

❤️But keep shining and going on strong my lovelies❤️

Helplines:

Samaritans – 116 123 (free 24 hour helpline)

MIND – 0845 766 0163 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm)

CASS self injury help line – 0808 800 8088 (Tuesday to Thursday evenings 7-9:30pm)

NHS Direct – 0845 4647

The Mix website (TheMix.org.uk) essential support for under 25s

Talk later

-Maya x

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42 comments

  1. Thank you for sharing. I had the same problem during my teens, I thought I could deal with pain better if it was something physical rather than emotional, but it turned out to be the loneliest feeling of all. It’s amazing how many people are ready to show you the way when you finally admit that you’re lost.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I know this was probably very difficult to discuss. I am glad that you found the help that you need. I think that blog posts like this are very important to talk about because you never know who is going through the same thing. Maybe this can help someone who has gone through a similar situation.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hugs! I am sure it must have been a struggle to come to terms with it, but facing it straight on is a good first step to overcome it! If possible, confide in people who you trust so that you do not have to deal with it alone. All the best and take care! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is such a difficult topic to discuss. I must commend you on how Brave you are to talk about it. I can only begin the imagine the struggle you have gone through. I wish you nothing but luck in the future. Thanks so much for sharing your story.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m glad you made it through. As a person who also suffers from mental illness, i understand how hard it is to recover. It’s something i’m working on. So, thanks for the hope and turning your story into a lesson!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This is a really brave thing to talk about and share – something very personal and raw. It’s great more and more people are talking about it and alternatives. It will help many. Sending lots of love to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh hun I think it is amazing that you are spreading awareness of the effects of mental health and I am so sorry you have been through so much. But look how strong you are, you have not self harmed in a year and that is an achievement that you should feel very proud of lovely x

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I am so so proud of you for overcoming the things you did and being brave enough to talk about them. There needs to be more people like you who share the experiences – I feel like having such strong role models can make a huge impact on how we think and talk about mental health. Hugs to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. The fact that you;re able to face your demons and write about them show how courageous you really are. There are 101 girls out there dealing with their demons in silence feeling as though the entire world is against them totally unaware that there are people out there they can relate to. People who are going through the same thing as them. You are a voice for these people and i admire you so much for it!

    http://www.nmdiaries.com

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I can see this was a really hard subject for you to approach. You can use this to teach others about the dangers of self harm. I would say a major well done for tackling, for what is a very tough subject.

    John M

    Liked by 1 person

  11. You’re so strong for sharing this. I’m so glad your mum saw and was so understanding and helpful about it. This post is going to help so many people. x

    Liked by 1 person

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