So the other night I was doing what I do best! Singing into my wii- Disney singalong microphone listening to my music really loud… In my beloved wireless headphones – Here’s a photo for reference! Got rather tired and decided to start actually getting ready for bed by now it was around half 11 and everyone was fast asleep in the house of Maya. I got into bed and put Friends on – because as you should now know FRIENDS IS ON BRITISH NETFLIX!!!!
Got myself comfy with my teddy, Snowy, only to feel something on my neck… didn’t really think of it as anything much probably just some cotton from my jumper or something. But then it moved…
IT CRAWLED ON MY FACE
Reflecting on it now it was probably tiny but in the eyes of tired, sung out Maya, it was a huge, furry black spider.
On my face.
I did the usual screamed, shouted jumped out of bed shaking my body about and jumping like I was on a blooming trampoline doing the jive. Took my pyjamas off (sorry if that’s tmi).
The spider was on my bed still… so I covered it with my duvet hoping it would be confused and not move so I could get my mum (lol not me) to catch it and take it out of my room.
I texted my mum… over and over and over… and she reluctantly came upstairs and lifted my duvet so get it… only for it to be gone.
I REPEAT. THE SPIDER HAD GONE.
She shook my duvet out, I shook it out too after she left, and my blankets, and my pillows and my teddy. You know just in case. Nothing.
To this day, I still don’t know where the spider is. Once my mum had left I was left with the realisation that… I was going to have to get into my bed to sleep.. but the spider made me feel as if it had marked my bed as it’s territory…
THE THING WALKED ON MY FACE!
After 20 minutes of wondering how I’d be sleeping on the floor, I eventually wrapped my self up… real tight in my blanket. And lay stiffly on my bed without the duvet near me. As I was laying there I came up with these tips, this is what you do if a spider is in your bed:
Calmly and collectedly get out of the bed, don’t anger the beast any more than you already have. DON’T OVER REACT.
Find a shoe.
Find the other shoe
Put the shoes on… QUIETLY!! Remember don’t anger the beast.
Get a bag and put all of your precious belongings in. If they’ve been on the bed they belong to the spider now, don’t touch them. SORRY.
Pour gasoline all over your bed.
Light a match.
Drop the match on your bed.
GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!
The fire probably didn’t kill the spider because they are crazy death defying beings, but at-least now what’s not yours can’t be the spiders. Go on google and buy a ticket to Mexico.
Go to Mexico, change your name, get a new hair cut, you’re a new person. The demon bug will never be able to trace you down.. muahahhahaha
ALWAYS REMEMBER THE LAST THING YOU SHOULD DO IN THESE KINDS OF SITUATIONS IS BE OVER DRAMATIC.
(no spiders were hurt in the process of making this blog post or when the spider was actually in my bed)